Sunday, November 13, 2016
I've been absent from both my blogs since May. Not so odd for my personal blog but slightly unusual for my book blog. One reason stems from the fact that for a while I didn't feel like reading anything. So nothing to review. I wish that my absence from the blog had indeed been because I didn't feel like reading. Cause that means I could pretend that what happened this year in May was just a bad dream. But I can't pretend it's just a bad dream, because it really did happen.
It's taking me almost six months to be at a point that I can finally write about it. What happened in May is something that no matter how old you are you are never really prepared for. There's no way one can ever be prepared for. I'm also hoping by getting this written and posted to the blog; I can get back into a normal posting schedule.
On May 21st of this year my mom passed away suddenly. We had no warning. She was fine on the 20th and then the next day she was gone. We were in shock. I wasn't prepared to lose my mom when I was only 28. My dad was in shock he had just lost his wife of almost 30 years and my sister as well. At 19 she was planning on a normal summer between her sophomore and junior year of college. And then my grandparents had to bury their daughter. So needless to say we were all in shock and a fog. But somehow I was the one who was able to put my grief aside to plan everything.
Other than gravesite and tombstone my parents hadn't really planned much. So everything had to be planned in a short period of time. My dad wanted to the funeral and visitation if all possible taken care of before May 28th not because he wanted to rush anything. He just didn't want me to have to go through either thing on my 29th birthday.( Which I didn't really celebrate, but that's another blog post.) But he was to shocked to do the planning. But I did take the time to grieve. I held together basically to the day of the visitation and as soon as by best friend showed up to the funeral home and gave me a hug I broke down. And finally cried the tears I was holding back to get through everything.
So I did everything with the planning from picking out the casket, to the guest book and cards. To the pictures. I picked out 40 pictures that ended up being in the slide show that they had playing.
Instead of flowers on the casket my mom wouldn't have wanted us to waste money on flowers because her view of flowers was unless they were ones you could plant it was a waste of money. So instead we had a quilt draped over the casket. She loved to quilt. So we felt that fit her better. The three songs I ended up picking for her funeral was When I get where I am going by Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton, My Wish by Rascal Flatts, and Go Rest High by Vince Gill. The pastor who preached her funeral chose 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 because of the simple fact that my mom loved her family. It was also her favorite Bible verse and it's one of my favorites as well.
But losing my mom has also made me stronger and a better daughter and sister because in the last six months I've grown closer to my dad. My dad my sister and I have learned to better talk with each other. And to share what's going on.
But losing my mom has also made the netflix Gilmore girl's showing bitter sweet. My mom and I loved that show. As well as the relationship that Loreli and Rory had. So yes I am going to watch but I will be doing so with a blanket tissues and ice cream. Knowing that my mom wouldn't want me to mourn for the rest of my life. She would want me to remember her and the happy times and to continue to live my life.
I wish that it was the only sad event of the summer but it's not. That's another blog post.